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Last night, a question came into my ask.fm's
inbox. It's just a kind of question that I already answered for thousand times
before:
"What are you looking for from your partner?"
Which is, sorry to say, not
different from other similar questions like what type of boyfriend I want, my
dream guy, etc. I don't understand why a lot of people ask the same question, I
don't understand more why they didn't scroll my ask.fm's home, because I
answered that for many, many times.
Ah well, I used to answer
them with jokes (because I'm getting bored with that kind of question) or, when
I was in the mood, I answered them seriously like I want my boyfriend is kinda
muscular or buffy, he has tattoos on his body, he can cook, smart, loyal, good
in bed, blah-blah-blah. You know, a lot of points that I mentioned which makes
me impossible to have a boyfriend like that because they just don't exist, or
maybe exist but a perfect man that I imagine won't marry an ordinary girl like
me anyway =))
But few days ago, I was
with two of my best friends, Prama and Dewi. They are my favorite couple. Prama
is my best friend since few years ago and he dates Dewi for the last six
months. I spend my days with them almost everyday because Prama and I often to
work together in one place (We both are designers, we are not partners, just
simply work in the same place. We have our own offices at our houses, but we
choose to work in a cafe instead), a cafe near Dewi's office, so Dewi comes and
joins with us after office hour. Dewi is also my best friend, I love her
personality, sarcasms, smart, intelligence, and I love how she knows a lot of
things. I have to admit that our conversation is always deep and important, we
almost never gossip about other people's flaws just to laugh at it, even if we
have to talk about others, it's because we always take morals from it. We
usually learn and discuss to make ourselves better.
So, one of our conversation
few days ago are just alike the question in my inbox last night. But, more
specific.
"If you only could
choose 5 the most important points that your partner should have, what it would
be?"
Of course we don't find the
answers easily, and somehow Dewi and I have the same points in the end, so here
are the top 5 points:
GOOD LOOKING. Well, dude,
I'm not blind. See a good looking man every time I open my eyes in the morning
will boost my mood a lot for a whole day. Plus, good looking usually equals to
good sex which is an important thing in marriage life, because eventhough the
play isn't that good, your partner's appearance can turn you on anyway because
he's just so damn hot and oh-so-your-type. Isn't it just good to have someone
that you can show off to your friends physically? LOL.
GOOD FINANCIAL. It's not
because we, women, are materialistic. Oh, or maybe we really are, but it
doesn't mean that money can buy us. NO. But no matter how great we do our job,
how big our income is, we still expect a man whose income is higher than us.
It's not only you can finance your new family well, send your future kids to
the best schools to get great educations, but mostly (I didn't say 'all') a
person who comes from a good financial family has better manners because they
are surrounded by well mannered classy people and had great educations since
they were kids. Also, they usually have more confidence which makes their EQ
high as well. Confidence is sexy and important, as a social creature,
human-being needs to know how to build a relation with other people.
SMART. Usually one package
with intelligence, but not always. Smart doesn't mean you know everything in
this world but smart is the way you see this life, problems, cases, and if
you're lucky, he is also smart to know a lot of things if he loves to read or
browse or simply talk with others. Talk with a smart person is never boring,
they usually know how to keep people interesting in this conversation and have
a lot of topics to be talked about. Remember, when you get old, when your
children leave you because they get married et cetera, you only have your
partner to have a good talk with. Smart person also know how to solve every
case in a smart way, think about the risks from every point of view, and that's
important because life has lots of obstacles. You have to be smart enough to
pass the tests of life.
TRUSTWORTHY. It's
automatically one package with loyalty and integrity. It's all about a man of
his words actually. It's just unhealthy to live your life miserably, anxious,
keep wondering about what your partner actually does or thinks, questioning
every little thing because you distrust his action or words, and you can't do
anything about it because what beyond your control is beyond your control.
Trustworthy is a very important trait in a man's character (same thing goes to
women for sure). When he promises to be loyal to you in every condition just
like what he says in your wedding vow, you can just trust the trustworthy man,
because once again, he is a man of his words. And he has integrity as well, he
keeps his words and implements it to his life not just because you're there,
not just because you're watching them, but he also keeps his words even behind
your back. That's trustworthy.
LEADER. No matter how I
love to lead people, no matter how I hate to be lead as well (in work,
professionally), I still want a man who can lead for my marriage life. He
should know how to lead me and lead our family. But, leader is not always
right. He has to know which journey he should lead on, which destination he
leads us to. A leader not only has to make a destination or goal in his life
but also understand step by step, a way to reach the goals and know how to lead
his family to do the mission together in order to get a better vision for the
future. Make us understand why we have to do it, why that goal is needed.
So, they are my 5 most
important points that I'm looking for from a man. But then, Dewi and Prama
asked me to eliminate one point from these five. I eliminated 'Good Looking'
easily, because I thought it isn't as important as the other four. I think a
'Smart' person can make himself interesting, a 'smart' person knows how to
dress up well, bring up a good conversation, and everything. And we are all
getting older though, so yeah, I eliminated 'good looking'.
They asked me to delete
another point again. I sadly eliminated 'Good Financial' because I think I can
finance myself and a person with 'leader' trait will not let his family suffer
in poorness, also a 'smart' person knows how to reach success, and
'trustworthy' person means I can trust him from the start to make me happy no
matter what, and our finance will be good anyway because he is smart, leader,
and trustworthy.
But I still had to remove
one more point. It's a hard request, I think. Smart, trustworthy, and leader
are very important. So, I started to think to throw 'smart' away. But if he is
a leader but he is not smart, he will bring his family to nowhere. Leader
without smart blurs the goals, or maybe the goals are just not right, or maybe
the goal is right, clear, but he has no idea how to reach the goal itself
because he is not smart enough for that. But if I throw 'trustworthy' away, he
will become a distrustful smart leader which equals to wicked dictator. With
his right to lead us, and with his smartness to brainwash or manipulate us, but
he isn't trustworthy (which one package with loyalty and integrity), he might
lead us to do whatever he wants, smart enough until we wanna do it, for his own
good and his own satisfaction. So, it's even more dangerous to throw 'trustworthy'
away if he is a leader. So I chose to eliminate the 'leader' itself because
'leader' really needs to be 'smart' and 'trustworthy' together, not only one of
them. And if it makes him can't lead, I will lead anyway.
And last, I have to choose
between 'Smart' and 'Trustworthy'. This is hard, really. Smart makes people
interesting and trustworthy without smart equals to boring, because, yeah, we
need challenges sometimes, don't we? But 'smart' without 'trustworthy' is
really dangerous for me. He will manipulate us, brainwash us, with his
smartness. Even worse, we don't know that he is such an evil because yes, smart
without heart can make a person psychopath. He can cheat on me and smart enough
to hide it, or even smart enough to make me fall in love with him again and
again although I know he cheats on me, or even make me agree if he wants to
have an open relationship. Oh my, it's just sick. So I eliminated 'smart'
point.
I finally know what I
really want. 'Trustworthy', which is also one package with loyalty and
integrity, is what I am really looking for from a partner, although it makes
him boring, but at least I feel safe. I feel that I can listen to him with no
doubt because he is a man of his words and his action represents his promises.
I realize that I always wanna be the only one and I don't wanna share my
partner to anyone. This point can't be replaced with another important point
and it will be so intolerable if my partner doesn't have this point. But I also
realize that this point needs time and effort to be build anyway.
Well, maybe you can do the
same thing to know what you are really looking for from your partner, think
about your version of top 5 points that your partner should have, delete one by
one, and you will know the most important point that you can't tolerate at all.
It's important to filter the significant people toward you, so you don't end up
with a person who doesn't have what you really need from a partner that you
will live the rest of your life with.
Cheers!
Written by : Selphie Usagi
اَلْخـَبِيـْثــاَتُ لِلْخَبِيْثـِيْنَ
وَ اْلخَبِيْثُــوْنَ لِلْخَبِيْثاَتِ وَ الطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِيْنَ وَ الطَّيِّبُوْنَ
لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ.
“ Wanita-wanita yang tidak
baik untuk laki-laki yang tidak baik, dan laki-laki yang tidak baik adalah
untuk wanita yang tidak baik pula. Wanita yang .baik untuk lelaki yang baik dan
lelaki yang baik untuk wanita yang baik. (Qs. An Nur:26)
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